Forest Haven: Pine Cottage, "Ms. M," Layla, and the Protected

I mentioned in one of my earlier blog posts that there is rampant dark energy at Forest Haven. I sensed portals, walked into a wall of dark energy, and know that there are also dark, ancient elementals hanging around. My gifted friend sensed that there was a spirit, once a woman who worked at Forest Haven, who dabbled in the use of this dark energy presence to maintain control of some of the ghosts that remain. Others have told stories of unearthly beings - part human, part panther - that roam the streets. Still others have experienced negative side effects from offering help to ghosts to leave the Earth and cross into the spirit realm. 

    I ran into some of those Earth-bound, 'protected' spirits in Pine Cottage. My gift of sensing spirits enables me to sense exactly where Earth-bound spirits are physically in a building. An example of this is my being 'called' to a certain room in my first blog post about Forest Haven. As soon as I walked into Pine Cottage, I sensed an extremely nervous ghost hovering in the corner of the entry room. I could 'see' her there: frail, long, dark, stringy hair; extremely gaunt, and incredibly nervous, wearing a hospital gown. I spoke to her. Immediately she showed me her wrists: dark purple bruises wrapped all the way around them. She told me that when the girls in this building 'acted out', they would be strapped/tied/chained to the beds by their wrists. Sometimes for days on end. You can see me receiving messages from her in this video around the 4:20 mark. I thought that treatment was why she was so nervous, but it turns out there was a much bigger, heavier reason. This ghostly presence didn't talk much, so I said my thanks and moved along. 

    As we walked into the room on the left side of the building, my friend picked up another entity - strong enough to suggest a spirit presence - 'presiding' over the room. I say presiding because it's the best description of what he explained. A stout nurse was pacing the room between rows of beds with a stern look on her face. This woman clearly meant business. One got a sense that you didn't cross her or there would be serious consequences. He describes what he's picking up on in the same video around 5:45. Other than this nurse, I didn't sense anyone else in the room. 

    We moved back through the central corridor and into the mirror room on the right hand side of the building. It was at this point that our paranormal investigator guide was absolutely giddy. He was keeping something from us and wanted to see if we picked up on what he knew. Right away, my friend's attention was directed the back right corner of the room, where he saw a ghost pop up from behind a hiding spot and go right back down again. He said hello, and I guess she knew the gig was up, because she showed herself. Our guide was beside himself! What he had been keeping from us was that he has spent many hours in this particular room, and knew there was a ghost present - she had made herself known to him in a variety of measurable ways on previous visits. 

    A long conversation passed between my friend and this ghost and revealed that she was being 'kept' on site. She and other ghosts, either in their living state or after their passing had been told by this 'entity' that they could remain on site for as long as the buildings stood, and would remain protected by "Ms. M." My friend knew right away that the spirit he detected on the other side of the building was this "Ms. M" person. The agreement is that once the buildings are gone, all the entities being 'kept' and 'protected' by Ms. M would cross over together. This was a very interesting development and explains why some who tried to force a ghost to break this agreement experienced negative side effects. I suspect that we will continue to investigate this relationship on our next visit to FH. 

    In the mean time, we learned that this ghost is nearly mute for whatever reason. She showed my friend pictures of things that represented messages she wanted to convey. He asked for her name, but she was hesitant. Once he identified her name, the ghost revealed that she didn't want to use her given name. She showed my friend a picture of a woman on the cover of a magazine, dressed up in fancy 1920's attire. This ghost liked this actress and wanted to use that name. I searched google frantically for pictures like what my friend described and came up with a couple of candidates. Ultimately, I found a picture of an actress named Leila Hyams. I pulled it up on my phone to show to this ghost. Evidently she walked forward and stood right in front of me - fascinated by my cell phone. I can't imagine what this looks like to someone who lived in the 1920's and 1930's! She poked at it and tried to put her finger through my phone, evidently! Either way, this entity was happy with the picture I found, and was satisfied with us calling her Leila (or Layla). So now that's how we know her. 

    As my companions continued their conversation with Leila, I was being called back into the hallway/entry room by the girl I had encountered earlier. She had an urgent message she wanted to give me (sound familiar??). I walked back in, and as I quieted my mind to listen to her message, she rushed up on me. I got freezing cold, and my spine started tingling. She was trying to enter me! Nothing aggravates me more than someone who violates my space. I very sternly told her she did *not* have permission to enter my body, and to back away from me immediately. She backed off and realized she had to deliver her message the old fashioned way of telepathy. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt her - I was just hungry!" ran through my head over and over again, combined with an image of this girl lunging at the throat of another patient in the ward. This girl wanted people to know that even though she attacked another patient, she was driven mad by the feeling of hunger/starvation. Based on what I picked up earlier, I got the sense she suffered terribly as a result of her actions. She was insistent that I tell my companions her story. I asked her if she wanted to leave this place, and she told me the same thing we heard from Leila. She can't leave because of the 'protector.' 

    Message received, I left this ghost (I plan on asking her her name next time I visit) to go back to my companions. They were having a great time speaking with Leila. I suspect, after all this time she felt relieved that someone could 'hear' her. Like I said, she's interacted with our guide many times before, so she must have felt comfortable opening up as much as she did. I delivered my message to the group as asked. I'm not sure why I was asked to do so, but when I receive requests, it's not really my place to question the 'why.' Spirits and ghosts have their own reasons for that. 

    One of the things I picked up quite strong in the building was a sense that many of the women housed in Pine Cottage suffered from severe mental conditions. Several things came through: 'mania'  and 'depression' were the strongest. Certainly if these women and girls were manic-depressive, it would explain them being chained to the beds for days on end. Examining it through the lens of today, the treatment these women endured is quite barbaric. But at the time, very little was known about these mental conditions, and even less was known about how to handle people in that state. No wonder a chronically under-funded, under-staffed institution like Forest Haven resulted in such extreme measures to control their patient population. 

    This state of affairs of the patients also explains a hell of a lot when it comes to the agreement they have with this "Ms. M" entity. In their living time, this strict nurse must have felt like these women needed protection, and did what she needed to do to ensure that happened. Most of the patient population at Forest Haven were vulnerable, but I imagine that young women with severe manic depression or other debilitating mental conditions were especially vulnerable to predatory behavior. 

    As we prepared to leave Pine Cottage, my friend mentioned that Leila would like some of the furniture moved to the corner of the building so she had a proper place to hide. Later that night, our guide went back to do just that. 

*Just a parting note. I searched for an image to use in this blog post of the institution as it once was. There were very few. The images that do exist are heartbreaking and disturbing, so I opted not to use any of them. 

Astral Projection during Meditation

Y'all. I'm not going to lie. My life is unusual these days. Ever since I was contacted by a spirit, I have established a spiritual practice to ensure that I remain open to the gifts I've been given. On a daily basis I meditate, sense and clear my chakras, practice gratitude, and ask my spirit guides for guidance. But the strangest of all things happened to me today in meditation - astral projection. 

    Only once before in my life do I remember feeling the essence of my soul leave my body. I was a kid and had just visited Edgar Cayce's museum. Whatever practice I had conducted either at the museum or afterward left me open to sense this sort of projection. Some say that it happens on a nightly basis, but we don't remember it when we awaken. The experience I had as a kid occurred in my sleep. I awoke in the middle of the night to find myself hovering over my body. I also sensed the duality of my spirit: both masculine and feminine. 

    Today's experience was a little different - I was fully awake and aware of what was going on. In my daily meditation, I often experience the sensation of my conscious mind 'lifting,' but it never actually reached a point where it existed outside of my body. Well today it did. I was asking my spirit guides to help me work through my fear of instability. I don't have a job replacement yet and I worry on a daily basis about this. I started to cry. I realized the insecurity I was feeling was deeper than just 'I need a job.' It actually stemmed from a deep seated belief that I wasn't enough. As the tears started flowing, my consciousness literally floated out of my brain and expanded outside of my body. I could sense my body and feel the tears running down my cheeks, but everything felt small. Like I was detached from what was occurring inside my body. It was a little unsettling. I worried that I wasn't going to be able to 'get back in' to my body, and then what? But as I watched, the worry subsided and I just observed. My body shed the stress of the worry that I carry, and my consciousness watched it happen. As I sat there, my consciousness was met with an overwhelming sense of comfort. A full knowing that it will all work out. 

    I suppose this was my spirit guides' way of showing me that I was protected. The niggling thoughts about job security are still in my thinking mind, but I also have this awareness now that whatever it looks like, I will be supported. My logical brain knows that I'm capable of whatever I put my mind to. Goodness knows I've been through enough in my life that I've proven to myself time and time again that I can handle whatever comes my way. I thought that I had processed enough of my trauma that I had thoroughly and fundamentally squashed any doubts about that. Looks like I may have a bit more work to do there. 

    Now that I have experienced astral projection in my meditative practice, I fully expect that it will be a regular occurrence. I look forward to discovering more about myself through these experiences. 

Spiritual Interruptions - Messages from beyond the veil

I don't know that I'll ever get used to having a random spirit tap into my subconscious out of the blue. Of course most of those that come to me have a message that needs to be delivered urgently, and it's usually not a positive one. As an empath, it becomes a challenge to ensure I don't take on the emotions of either the message sender or the receiver. I'm merely a conduit, but when it involves someone I care about in my life (or even about myself) it becomes particularly tricky. As hard as it is to maintain those energetic boundaries, I am also met with an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Gratitude that I have been given this gift, and that the spirits that visit me trust me enough to not only translate but deliver their message to their loved ones.

  I've been visited several times in the past two months (since I had my awakening). Family members of two of my closest friends have come through, and I've been visited by my dad. That was weird, since I hadn't really spoken with him in 20 years or so. Each time, I apply due diligence to understand the message I'm being given. I ask the spirit for confirmation that I interpreted their message correctly, which is important especially when it's concerning news. I fully expect that these sorts of interruptions will continue as long as I continue to practice and strengthen my skills. It comes with the territory, but it's still a strange feeling. 

Forest Haven Part II: The Dichotomy that is the Holly Cottage

 The Holly Cottage at Forest Haven is fascinating. I want to paint a portrait of the feeling I got when I walked into the building. I'm told that very little is known about the history of Holly Cottage and the purpose it served. It was built in 1931, so there was plenty of residual energy to tap into. Immediately upon walking into the building I was hit with an overwhelming sense of joy and happiness. It was a strange sensation and seemed out of place given the dark history of the institution itself. 

    I immediately got a sense of children dancing, singing and playing. I believe I described it in the video as jubilant. My counterpart picked up that it seemed like it was also a place of learning - where students came to study. As we walked through and examined the room more carefully, we came across several old leather school portfolios, which validated that sense. They were worn and empty, but the buckles on the outside gave their purpose away. I got a sense that the children looked forward to visiting this place - it was part of their regular routine. Whether it was daily or weekly I couldn't discern. On some level it felt like both. I didn't sense any active entities in this building, but the rich residual energy was strong enough to paint this picture of this place of happiness and learning. Children coming and going. Laughing, playing, dancing, singing. Writing letters to their families from inside the walls. 

    Interestingly enough, on our way to the Holly building, my friend and I both sensed an entire group of ghost children running through the woods adjacent to the building, chasing one another and playing tag. It seemed out of place, because those woods were also adjacent to the wall of dark energy I described running into in my first post. But feeling what we felt in Holly, it now made more sense that the children spirits would stick to a place that brought them what was likely a rare occurrence of joy and happiness.

    The Holly building is shaped like an "L", and so when we turned the corner into the next room, the vibe was completely different. The ceiling had fallen. Debris from the building itself littered the floor. Moss grew on the floor of the building. We didn't spend a lot of time there, as we were headed toward the basement. 

    Now to the dichotomy. What was joyful and jubilant in the entrance room turned decidedly darker as I approached the stairway to the basement. Just like when I ran into the wall of dark energy before, I was stopped in my tracks. "Something doesn't want us down there." Came out of my mouth. Turns out I was right. At the time I didn't think whatever wished us to stay away was dark, but it didn't feel friendly either. We first walked through a section of the basement that felt benign. Our guide wondered at the purpose of the rooms in this part of the basement. He suggested they might be old jail cells, but the feeling down there was not one of imprisonment. My friend and I both agreed it was more like administrative or logistical in nature. 

    As we turned the corner into another section of the basement, our guide told us a story about how one of their friends walked over to a particular section of the room and stood motionless, as if he was in a trance. It took our guide and another buddy a few minutes to get this person to snap out of it. 

    It was dark. Really dark. As I approached the room I sensed a demon crouching in the corner of the room. I could see its outline. Black as black could be. I saw its sinewy muscles stretched taught over its frame. It had horns and long claws on its hands and feet. Thankfully the protections we had over us pushed this thing away. I really wouldn't want to get any closer to it than we already were. I absolutely refused to walk into that room until I had reinforced my protections. I knew whatever was in there (besides the demon) wasn't something to be messed with. As we walked into the room and through a wire fence, my counterpart whispered "It's a portal." I had mentioned that my friend can see into the spirit world, so they were able to clearly see this enormous dark portal in the wall in the corner. 

    After identifying the source of this dark energy, we discussed it with our guide. His buddy getting 'stuck' staring at the wall made a lot more sense now. I told our guide that that's what portals do - they suck you in and can put you in a trance. It also made sense that I didn't feel the demonic presence I had felt before I walked into the room. Our protection of light likely pushed this thing back into the portal and away from us. Thank goodness. My friend walked over and described the portal's opening. It was large. Very large. As high as the walls of the basement, wide, and incredibly deep. Cavernous. It pushed out beyond the walls as well and outside of the building. My spiritual friend hypothesizes that there is a labyrinth of connected portals all over the Forest Haven Campus. It would make a lot of sense. I know there's a portal somewhere in the woods, and another one in the Chapel. 

    What a very strange building indeed. Upstairs: joy, happiness. Downstairs: dark and foreboding. Our guide said "I'm surprised you couldn't sense it from upstairs." My friend and I both agreed. After all, the portal in the basement was directly under the room we first entered. Whether it was the protections we had covered ourselves in that served as a filter, or the residual happy, light energy from the room upstairs masked the darkness underneath, I couldn't say. 

My first trip to Forest Haven (part 1 of ?)

 

The Administration Building at Forest Haven. Image Courtesy Abandoned America.

There is so much to tell from my experience at Forest Haven that I feel like it's too much to put in one post. 

Part of my approach to developing my medium abilities is to reach out to like minded communities on social media. It's through one of these communities that I connected with a paranormal investigator, who offered to show me around Forest Haven. Forest Haven is an abandoned asylum not too far from me. It operated from 1921 to 1991, and had some of the most horrific cases of abuse and mistreatment of the patients in the entire state of Maryland, if not the country. 

    I invited a friend who is a much more experienced spiritual communicator than me, which they gladly accepted. Both of us sensed the presence of a dark entity in the place in some pre-visit meditations. In addition to learning about some of the spirits who remain on site, I got a sense there was a dark energy portal somewhere in the woods on the property. This made me nervous, because I already knew that I was sensitive to the presence of ghosts. I couldn't discern whether my anxiety was a result of a benign ghost presence vs the presence of dark forces/energies. As soon as we stepped onto the property, my friend and I could sense that we were surrounded by entities. I could feel the presence of at least one ghost as it approached me - my spine immediately began tingling. We conducted a protection prayer, and as soon as it was finished we could feel the pressure back off.  

    Our paranormal investigator guide first had us walk to the furthest building we were going to tour. As we walked past one of the buildings, I got a whiff of perfume. I could sense spirits inside the buildings watching us as we walked by. We turned a corner, and I immediately sensed a spirit watching us. As soon as he left, I said out loud "he went left." My counterpart said at the same time, "he went that way," directed his arm in the same direction, and informed us that the spirit was going to inform the others of our arrival. It felt good to be validated by another who is sensitive to the spirit world. 

    At one point, I walked into a HUGE wall of dark energy. This energy pushed me back a few steps and gave me an overwhelming sense of sadness. It was so strong that I started crying. My counterpart asked spirits for assistance in pushing back the energy so we could proceed. We continued a bit further. This trip was the first time I entered a building with ghosts present since my awakening. I was curious and a bit apprehensive about what I would encounter. The first building we entered was Hemlock. It was a 'prison' building where the most difficult patients were kept. (Spoiler alert, if you want to know what happened that I'm going to describe below, you can watch the video!).

    Our guide led us down a central corridor to begin our exploration of the building. The floor was littered with artifacts of times gone by in the facility. A paper with cleaning staff names written on it in beautiful penmanship caught my eye. It was from 1989. As we reached the end of the hallway, we turned left. Flashlights in hand, we looked in rooms and I could sense the remnant energies of the people who once lived and worked in the facility. My two companions were conversing about something that completely missed me, because I got the feeling that I was compelled to move in a certain direction. I walked away from them and toward a small room at the end of a side hallway (you can see me take off at the beginning in the video linked above).

    I approached the room to which I felt called, and I could sense a presence there. As I tried to step into the room, I was met with resistance. The ghost there didn't want me to come into the room. I knew he was there and I had felt called there but once there it was clear that I wasn't welcome. Turns out there was a reason for it. My friend informed me that I reminded Eddie (the ghost's name) of a nurse that once worked at the facility. No wonder he didn't want me intruding on his space! What happened next was one of the most incredible things I have ever witnessed. I don't think that my words can do it justice, so I suggest you watch the video to find out what happened! I will try to describe it if you aren't inclined to watch, but know that it will pale to witnessing the actual events as they unfolded.

    My counterpart is extremely gifted in spirit communication. They are able to not only see into the spirit world, but also can assist Earth-bound spirits in crossing over into the spirit realm. These are skills I endeavor to learn as I expand my abilities. Eddie the spirit didn't have a lot to say. Evidently he was heavily drugged (as were most of the patients at FH) and slowly losing his mind. Eddie didn't know why he was still Earth-bound. When he was asked if he wanted help transitioning, he said yes. It felt safe to assist him - he wasn't one of the spirits being kept at the facility by a ghost dabbling in dark energy (more on that in another post).

    My friend called upon his father - in his life he was another gifted communicator who also helped Earth-bound spirits cross - to help Eddie. I really wish I could have 'seen' and heard what occurred next, but I could sense it. My friend's father spoke with Eddie for a bit, reassuring him that he would be safe and loved on the other side. Then he opened a portal. I was immediately hit with a wave of energy. Eddie's family came through and spoke with him. When all were ready, they walked through the portal together. It was at that moment that I was again hit with another wave of energy. As soon as they walked through, the energy in the room changed dramatically.

    I'm so incredibly glad that I was able to witness this crossing over. Receiving messages from spirits and sensing ghosts is one thing, but to 'see' the moment when one crosses over to the other for the first time is something I will never forget! I look forward to many more occasions where I cannot only witness but also have the skills to let these lost souls find their way home.

    There is so much more to share about my experience in Forest Haven, so stay tuned!

   

Uncovering my subconscious feelings through clairvoyance

 I have been doing a lot of research lately on how to further develop and fine-tune my skills as a person who can communicate with spirits. Part of that involves not only reading a ton of material, but also doing exercises working with energy, meditation, and developing my clairs. For those of you who may not be familiar with what a 'clair' is, it's the sense that allows a person to understand messages being sent to them from a spirit. The main clairs are: clairvoyance (clear seeing), clairaudience (clear hearing), clairsentience (clear feeling), claircognizance (clear knowing), and others, such as clairempathy, clairalience (clear smelling). Already my clairsentience, claircognizance, and clairempathy are fairly well developed. These senses are what have enabled me to receive messages. But I want to also develop my clairvoyance, as pictures can often tell much more than messages that sometimes come across as abstract. I have some clairvoyance; I'm able to tell what ghosts looked like in their human form. I can pick up on major features like height, hair color, and distinguishing features. But getting the whole picture also relies on picking up on context surrounding the subject. I know sensitive people who can see portals, for example. 

 

Image credit: Mindvalley blog

  One of the exercises that I've conducted to develop my clairvoyance involves visualizing my chakras. That exercise was so profound that I want to share it here. Chakras are the body's energy centers, and there are 7 of them. Each of the chakras have a color and an association. So for example it should come as no surprise that the heart chakra is associated with love. The short description of the exercise goes something like this: you ground and center yourself, and then one by one, ask which chakras wish to be visualized. During this exercise, you call up a chakra and sit with it until a picture forms in your mind that represents that chakra. I visualized five of my chakras during this exercise and the pictures I saw were absolutely breathtaking. I present them here in the order in which they were called. First I will describe the chakra (and its associated color), followed by the emotion I experienced, and then the image in my mind.  
    Solar Plexus (yellow): Associated with free will, self esteem, and confidence. I got a feeling of joy and happiness in this chakra. Slowly, an image developed in my mind of a field full of sunflowers. The field had soft rolling hills. The sky was a brilliant azure blue, the sun was blazing, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. I could see the green stems of the sunflowers; the fully developed seeds in the center; a walking path to the right side of the field one could traverse and find themselves among the giants of the flower population. The joy and happiness exuded off of me and brought me to tears. It was overwhelming in the most incredible way. 
    3rd eye (indigo): Associated with intuition, imagination, and 'seeing beyond.' I was hit with a feeling of understanding. The 'seeing' in this chakra was a bit more abstract. The best way I can describe what I saw with this chakra was the ability to see energy. I saw spirit orbs and auras. To further practice my seeing (and to be fair this really is more about sensing than seeing), I imagined myself looking to see my own aura, and then that of my feline companions (yes, I know, but all living creatures have auras). My aura was green, and my cats had violet and yellow auras. It 'looks' a lot like an energy field surrounding the body. The stronger the aura, the further it radiates away from the central being.
    Heart (green): Associated with love and compassion, and boy did I feel it. Sitting quietly, I asked myself to picture what love looks like. Now before I get to what I saw I'd like to ask you dear reader, what image comes to mind when you ask yourself what love looks like? Go ahead and take a moment. Did you picture a loved one? A specific event in your life? Imagine your family? Something else? I thought my image would be that of my children. After all, I can't imagine a more unconditional love than that which I have for my kids. 
    Imagine my surprise when the image that I developed was that of the universe in its entirety! It was like looking at one of the Hubble Deep field images. The universe - vast, all encompassing - laid out in front of me. I was absolutely astounded. I've read that the driving force in the universe isn't gravity, it's love. And maybe on some level that influenced my image. But I can't deny the profound effect this had on me. I'm still ruminating on it, and likely will be for some time. 
    Root (red): Security, groundedness. I can't really say if I had a clear 'feeling' on this one, but the picture that developed in my mind was that of the elements. I first sensed water and Earth, and then slowly an image began to develop. I saw a landscape that encompassed all of the elements except fire. I stood atop a hill. In front of me I saw a rock outcrop. The hill was covered in short, greenish-silver grass. The wind blew gently on my face. Down below lay a valley with a meandering river. The hills on either side of the valley slowly graded down to a plain in the distance. The sun was about 20 degrees above the horizon, and occasionally masked by banks of clouds. It created a bluish-gray tint to the clouds, and the sky was various shades of blue. This landscape wasn't one I had ever witnessed with my own eyes. Whether it is an image of a real place on Earth, I cannot say, but the image was crystal clear and very real to me.
    Finally, my sacral chakra (orange) wanted in on the exercise. This chakra is typically associated with emotions, creativity, and sexuality. But interestingly enough what came through for me was a sense of knowledge and wisdom. I suppose it's fitting since I tend to live more in logic than emotion. I saw an infinite library. Bookshelves lined the wall for as far as the eye could see, and went up at least one story, if not two. I got a sense that this library in all its infinite expanse was ancient. Like it contained all of the collective knowledge of every human that has ever lived on Earth, and even knowledge beyond what we have come to understand as a species. 
    In front of me on a podium was an open book, old and worn. Bound in rich brown leather, its pages were yellowed and wrinkled with time. It was about the width and length of a laptop, but about 6 inches thick. I walked up to the book to see if I could read what was written on the pages. The writing was indiscriminate. I was told by spirit that the words written on the pages were not meant to be read to be understood, but sensed. I placed my hands on the pages to see if I could sense what was contained in this volume, but nothing came to me. I suspect I will be revisiting this place as my development continues, and perhaps as my senses evolve I will be able to gain access to the knowledge in that library. 
    I'm still digesting my experience from this exercise. I think what it was really doing was tapping deep into my subconscious. I'm pleased to know that deep down I feel joy and happiness; seek knowledge; feel grounded with the Earth, and have infinite love for everything that exists. Here I thought it was just going to be an exercise in creating pictures!

So I'm a Medium Now?

 

A lot of things have happened in my life in the past year, but that topic is a subject for a different blog entry. Suffice it to say that if those things hadn't unfolded the way they did, I probably wouldn't have the bandwidth to explore the talents I've recently discovered about myself. 

    First let me start by saying that of all the people in the world, I would have been the least likely person to actively pursue the path I am currently on. I am an atheist, a scientist, and a skeptic. I never believed in an afterlife, though I did hold firm that the matter and energy that comprise all beings continues to exist in some form after our Earth-bound bodies cease to exist. But that is based on science. 

All of that being true, I have had experiences all my life that defied scientific explanation. As a kid I always got 'feelings' or 'vibes' about places. I 've had an out of body experience. I witnessed a spiritual attachment firsthand when I was at a sleepover camp as a girl scout. None of these things were easily explained, but I experienced them nonetheless. As an adult, those 'vibes' continued to grow louder. I got an incredibly heavy, uneasy feeling stepping foot inside the El Rancho Motel in Gallup New Mexico. I now know that the hotel is definitively haunted, and not just by benign spirits. Same uneasy feeling, albeit not as strong, when I visited some friends and they took me to a restaurant in downtown Chicago. The hair stands up on the back of my neck when I drive by places that I instinctively know are haunted. 

    I've also always been incredibly empathetic and intuitive, although it took me until recently to understand the extent of not only my sensitivity in this matter but just how much it impacts me on a daily basis. It really wasn't until I got an ADHD diagnosis and started medication that I could clearly see the porosity of my energetic boundaries.

    But how did I go from having these unexplained experiences to knowing I'm a Medium? That is easy, though I'm still in a bit of disbelief about it all. Earlier in the fall, a family member passed rather suddenly. Later that night, hours after they passed I was contacted by them telepathically. I had no clue this was something that occurred until it was happening to me. I could visualize the 'thread' that connected us. I had a conversation with them. I was responding to their questions and statements verbally before my conscious brain could process what was happening. This person, now in spirit form, had an urgent message I was to deliver. It was so urgent that the spirit insisted I deliver the message immediately to the intended receiver, despite the fact that I was certain they were unavailable and wouldn't even receive the message until the morning. I argued with the spirit, but they were so insistent that I relented and delivered the message. Much to my surprise, the receiver was available and received the message immediately. No sooner had I hit "send" on the text message that the connection between myself and this family member disappeared. Clearly, I had served my purpose and they didn't need to continue the connection. 

    That was about two months ago. Since then, I have gone headfirst into a world that I had previously thought was full of woo-woo nonsense (see previous comment about being a skeptic). Now, I not only firmly understand (saying 'believing' would suggest that there is room to argue otherwise) that life exists after death, but that souls can communicate with those that are sensitive and open. I have since been contacted by several spirits that have crossed over. I've also had conversations with a few ghosts that have remained Earth-bound. Most of them have urgent messages of concern that need to be delivered to a receiver. In one case, a loved one came through to confirm their existence as a spirit guide for someone with whom I was conversing. 

    I'm still in a bit of disbelief about it all. There is no scientific explanation for my experiences. And me of all people, who despite my own personal experiences didn't believe in the existence of spirits or ghosts is now pursuing the path of becoming a professional medium. An incredibly gifted scientist friend said something to me about my telepathic conversation that resonated. They said something to the effect of, "There may never be a scientific explanation for your experiences, but to deny them is to deny your authentic experience in life." So here I am, stepping outside of my comfort zone and away from a career path that has stability to pursue a career that makes use of my newly discovered gift. I trust whatever comes next is meant to happen. Stay tuned!