Eight Sticks of Butter

This week, I have lost eight sticks of butter. That's 2 pounds, for those keeping track. It occurred to me in the shower this morning that having such a tangible way of keeping track of weight loss really helps put things in perspective.

My year-to-date weight loss is 27.6 pounds, or about 110 sticks of butter. I decided to search the web to see if I could find an image, and funnily enough, I did! Ok, the closest I got was 108 sticks, or 27 pounds. It looks like this (source):

That's a lot of butter! I'm tempted (although I likely won't) to take a selfie with that much butter at our next trip to Costco.

My next weight loss milestone: losing a kids' worth of weight. The twins are about 30 pounds each. I'll definitely take a selfie holding a kid once I reach that milestone!

Now that I've gotten the eating habits (mostly) under control, the next step is going to be to start changing my relationship with food. I definitely had a few binges this week and found myself feeling guilty. Food is neutral. It's time I start looking at it that way instead of viewing it as 'good' and 'bad.'

Losing Weight

4 years, two kids, and a cat later...

Then: August, 2015. Approx 183 lbs.

I've still struggled with my weight. I lost a significant amount of weight after the twins were born (about 50 pounds), but failed to keep it off once I stopped nursing. I gained 20 of it back.

This time is different, though. I have two kids for whom I'm responsible. I have to be a good role model for them. That has shifted my perspective quite a bit. I struggle to find healthy foods that the kids like to eat (being toddlers and all) that are quick to make on weeknights. We wind up eating out several times a week. That's not so great on the wallet or the waistline.

Now: April, 2016. Approx 157 lbs.

That being said, I have finally found a balance. I eat nutritionally dense, low-calorie foods about 80% of the time, following the clean eating principles. I have slayed my sugar dragon once and for all. Now, I'm able to walk by a sugary snack and not think twice about it. It no longer consumes my thoughts. I've lost over 25 pounds in the past 3 months, with about 17 pounds to go to reach my goal. My energy is better, my spirits are higher, and I have never felt better.  Weight loss is a journey - one I'm all too familiar with. I will never be able to mindlessly eat, or to just say 'heck with it all' when it comes to fueling my body. I will always have to be on watch. But for the first time, maybe ever in my life, I'm prepared for it.

Triathlon training & Motivation

I don't know what my problem is, but lately I have had zero desire to train for this sprint tri that is looming only 3 weeks away. I signed up for the thing with the best intentions. I thought having an event with an actual deadline would motivate me enough to get of my butt and do something productive for my health. That was seven months ago.

Perhaps it's because my upper lip began to sweat immediately once I stepped outside to take the dogs for a walk today. Perhaps it's because.. well, I don't really know why it I'm procrastinating. I realized that all the swimming I had been doing had contributed significantly to my ability to do the marathon hiking in GNP a couple of weeks ago. Trips like those are exactly why I want to stay in shape - so I don't die when trying to do some of my actual enjoyed exercises like hiking and backpacking. I think perhaps part of my motivation is linked to my weight loss issues. It's not that me being overweight is preventing me from doing the activities like biking and swimming. I think it's more that I have this illusive goal of being this ripped, in shape wonderwoman, and I realize the amount of time and energy it would take to get to that point. Part of me thinks "yeah - I want to be healthy and in shape, and have a low body fat percentage" and all that jazz. The other part of me seriously doubts I would ever be able to make it to that point.

It's just like me, you know. I stress out about things I have no control over - like episodes at work that make me crazy. And then, the things that are perfectly within my control - like getting healthy - I completely ignore and most times do the opposite of what I know I should. What is that about?

I've been successful in weight loss before, and I was regularly exercising and generally feeling good. I've proven to myself that I'm capable of losing weight and making healthy choices for myself. I recently saw a picture of myself at the lowest weight I had achieved in years - almost 30 lbs lighter than I am now - and thought, "holy crap! Look how skinny I was!" I know that skinny person is somewhere inside, desperately trying to show herself again. Yet I'm doing everything I can to ensure that doesn't happen. It's time to get to the bottom of this.