I don't know what my problem is, but lately I have had zero desire to train for this sprint tri that is looming only 3 weeks away. I signed up for the thing with the best intentions. I thought having an event with an actual deadline would motivate me enough to get of my butt and do something productive for my health. That was seven months ago.
Perhaps it's because my upper lip began to sweat immediately once I stepped outside to take the dogs for a walk today. Perhaps it's because.. well, I don't really know why it I'm procrastinating. I realized that all the swimming I had been doing had contributed significantly to my ability to do the marathon hiking in GNP a couple of weeks ago. Trips like those are exactly why I want to stay in shape - so I don't die when trying to do some of my actual enjoyed exercises like hiking and backpacking. I think perhaps part of my motivation is linked to my weight loss issues. It's not that me being overweight is preventing me from doing the activities like biking and swimming. I think it's more that I have this illusive goal of being this ripped, in shape wonderwoman, and I realize the amount of time and energy it would take to get to that point. Part of me thinks "yeah - I want to be healthy and in shape, and have a low body fat percentage" and all that jazz. The other part of me seriously doubts I would ever be able to make it to that point.
It's just like me, you know. I stress out about things I have no control over - like episodes at work that make me crazy. And then, the things that are perfectly within my control - like getting healthy - I completely ignore and most times do the opposite of what I know I should. What is that about?
I've been successful in weight loss before, and I was regularly exercising and generally feeling good. I've proven to myself that I'm capable of losing weight and making healthy choices for myself. I recently saw a picture of myself at the lowest weight I had achieved in years - almost 30 lbs lighter than I am now - and thought, "holy crap! Look how skinny I was!" I know that skinny person is somewhere inside, desperately trying to show herself again. Yet I'm doing everything I can to ensure that doesn't happen. It's time to get to the bottom of this.