It has already begun. My child, not yet in kindergarten, now
has a “me too” story. She told me last night about a boy in her class that is
constantly calling her names that had to do with her butt. When I asked my
daughter if she responded to the kid and told him how it made her feel, she
said yes, but that he continues to do it. Cue the momma bear instincts. My
child is 4 years old, nearly 5. I cannot believe that I’m having to help her
through this at such a tender age. Her father and I counseled her to tell the
boy that she didn’t like the way he talked to her, and to tell him that if he
continues to talk to her that way, he will be ignored. That wasn’t enough for
me, though. I had a talk with the kid’s teacher. The teacher assured me that it
will be addressed, and that it’s not the first time this behavior from the kid
has been called to her attention. The school in which our kids are enrolled has
“character trait of the month” where kids learned different traits of being a
good human. Apparently my daughter’s harasser missed the entire month where respect
was being taught.
And before
you get all “they’re just kids being kids on me,” listen. This is where it
starts. At 5, we dismiss a young man’s behavior as “a kid being a kid.” When
kids get older, it’s “boys will be boys.” All of this conditions these children
to believe that they can say (and sometimes do) whatever they want, regardless
of how it impacts others, and without consequence. That has to stop now. As
parents, it is our duty to enforce respect from the beginning. We do it when a
young kid tries to take a toy away; we tell them they need to wait their turn.
It should be no different when a child decides to call another a name, pick on,
or otherwise tormeNnt another kid. Anti-bullying campaigns are a thing now.
Because for years, parents outright dismissed bullying behavior.
As a society, we’re smarter now. We
know the damage that can be done by leaving bullying unchecked. The same needs
to be said about sexual harassment. A 5 year old might not be able to identify
or explain sexual harassment. But by turning the other cheek and dismissing the
behavior, we’re enforcing the seeds that enable harassment later in life. Now
I’m not arguing that every 5 year old boy that calls someone a name is going to
turn out to be a habitual harasser. But if we don’t teach them now that it’s
inappropriate to call someone a name, particularly when the other child has
already expressed that it makes them uncomfortable, then when will they be
taught? We’re now seeing the outcome of rampant sexual harassment going
unchecked in our society. These harassers have been conditioned that it’s their
privilege to violate someone else’s space. I’m guessing none of them woke up at
twenty and decided “You know what? I’m going to start sexually harassing people
today.”
It’s time
we enforce the idea with our kids that everyone deserves to be treated with
respect. That means if a person has told you a behavior is bothersome, it needs
to stop. Even among siblings, a firm line should be set. What might seem ‘cute’
now has a chance to snowball into full on sexual harassment later. Now I’m no
perfect parent. I struggle with drawing the line between sibling arguments and
harassing behavior. I tend to be stricter with my children’s behavior toward
kids that aren’t their family. But a near-5 year old might not be able to
understand the subtle nuances between when it’s “okay” to taunt and when it’s
not. I also realize my complicit enabling of this behavior with my son. He has
picked up on the verbiage from his and my daughter’s classmate (my kids are
twins, after all) and has said it to his sister, his father, and me. It took my
daughter’s words to make me “woke.” It also forced me to recall all the times I
was called names, particularly sexual in nature, by kids in my neighborhood.
When I told my parents about it, guess what they said? “Oh, he must like you,”
or “Oh, that’s just how boys are.” I certainly never condoned my son using the
same words, but by not shutting it down, I was subtly telling him that it was
ok to behave that way. This ends now. So, parents, I implore you to stay
vigilant. Even words that might seem ‘cute’ now can be cutting, and behaviors
that go unchecked from an early age can snowball. Let’s work together to change
the narrative of sexual harassment.
